Maria my star Matthew goodnight

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(no subject)
I think I have rats in my attic. No really there is some serious scratching noises going on up there and i'm telling you now it aint the central heating cause its bloody freezing in here and the last time i checked water pipes don't scratch!

I'm feeling a strong urge to stand on my chair with a broom shouting 'Thomas, THOMAS!!' with a southern American drawl....

I'm not feelin the rats.....

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It could be squirats. A cross breed of rats and squirels bent on world domination and they're hatching their plans in your roof.

I could just of made that up though...

We had rats in our bristol house last year. Don't worry, you will know its rats when one of them dies and your house starts to smell like a sewer. You can get the council to come and kill them and then they leave them under your floorboards to rot. Or they gnaw through your skirting board and come out in your bathroom likme ours did.
I know you feel reassured now.

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